Happiness Tool 4 - Being Nice to Yourself Part 1

Have you ever said “I’m my own worst enemy”? Many of us are, but we don’t have to
be. By changing what you think, you can be your own best friend instead. Wouldn’t that be
nice, to have the one person who is always with you helping and supporting you instead of
hurting you and making things worse? You can be your own best friend. Think about what’s great about best friends, and be that way to yourself.

Be gentle with yourself. Listen to what you say to yourself ( I call this mental chatter, try to keep it positive) , and if you wouldn’t stand by and let someone say those things to a close friend of yours, don’t stand by while you say them to yourself, either. Think about what you would say to defend your friend, and say it in your own defense instead.
I realize that now you’re not only talking to yourself, you’re arguing with yourself, but bear with me. If you’re already talking to yourself, there are at least two of you in your head. Introducing an extra won’t hurt, and may bring you to a pleasant majority!
For example, I used to beat myself up a lot. The first time I tried this, I had just had an ugly conversation with a person who has a long history of being very compelling to me but not very nice. He said some well-targeted things to push my buttons. I ended the conversation promptly and signed off, but I was still upset, and I caught myself thinking “What an asshole he is! I can’t believe I’ve wasted all this time loving him! I’m so stupid! How humiliating!”
Normally, I would just go on and on this way, but for the first time, I stopped and listened to
what I had said. “Wait a minute,” I thought, “that doesn’t even make sense. How does his being a jerk make me stupid? At worst, I was naïve and unrealistically hopeful—is that really so
horrible? I acted with love and the best of intentions, and I did nothing wrong. The fact is, I’m going through a pretty hard time and doing the best I can, and I don’t need or deserve this kind of harsh judgment.”
Hearing these things, even though it was just myself saying them in my head, really helped.
It was like a cloud lifted. What the other person said still hurt, but I no longer felt devastated, humiliated, or miserable; more like “gee, that’s too bad.”

Part 2 of Being Nice to Yourself Tomorrow

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