Stool of Thought
He had taken time to notice that his internal turmoil quietened when he sat on his stool because his deep thinking preventing him from seeing the obvious, he had become so introspective that his sight had turned inwards in his search for the deeper meaning of things, of his life and existence. He believed that he was suffering a mistake of birth!
It had all started during his childhood, he had been a carefree child like any other without a care in the world, he had eagerly attempted to join other children playing in the village square but had given their backs! As a child his didn't understand what this meant and had moved closer to join the group but his approach had caused shrieks and cries from the others and had sent them running at lightning speed to their mothers. It was only when he reached home that he realised that he had been running as well. In later years after this happened again he understood he was the source of their terror and that children like him were afraid of him and wanted nothing to do with him.
He rubbed minds with his father and asked him why people ran from him when they saw him ( he had come to notice that adults avoided him as well ), his response had been that people feared what they did not understand, but father "what is it about me, that people don't understand?" Jawnu had asked. When you grow up you will understand, and with the passage of time Jawnu had come to understand that "people like him" who did the things that others would not do were neither liked nor accepted by others.
Jawnu broke from his reverie into the past and started thinking about the present. He wondered how some men were born into abundance while other men like himself were born to do the "unspeakable."
How did it become possible that his family were chosen over time to execute the kings justice, when he had asked his father, he'd said, "my son, this is the nature of things and our family has always done this!"
His father had convinced him to accept his fate and has told him that farmers had always farmed, wine tappers, tapped wine and the oracle tellers foresaw the future!
His father had continued to ask him if he had ever seen a wine tapper that could foretell the future?. Jawnu's response had been no, but even so a deeper part of himself was tormented by his fathers logic.
He stood up, looked at his hands and all he could see was blood, it dripped from every part of him.
He had taken to washing himself several times daily but no matter how many times he washed himself the look, feel and worse of all smell of blood was all about him. He had walked for days to find a powerful herbalist who mixed potions for him which he bathed in to no avail. He was tainted by blood and it clung to him, he had spilt too much and it had left it's impression on him. The night brought it's own terrors and torments and Jawnu was afraid of closing his eyes, the voices would not let him rest, why should you sleep the restless spirits taunted him, "we're not at rest and neither shall you!" we cannot rest because you killed us before our time!. Jawnu wondered if they tormented the King who's judgement he executed!
Jawnu believed that his was the existence of a man born into the wrong family; a family of executioners, who carried out the kings judgement without question. Men who could not and were not expected to show emotion, men who others knew nothing about because they were unaccepted by society, only expected to kill the undesirables of their society.
Jawnu laughed loudly to himself and said aloud, "by killing undesirables, I have become undesirable, an outcast in my own society, a stranger among my own people!" I would not choose to be born an executioners son!.
He had no friends and no one to tell his sorrows, his father was long gone and he had never know a mother love. He had long suspected that his father only had him to carry on the family tradition and whoever his mother was, was too ashamed to love him.
He had taken to talking to the stool since his fathers death and sometimes even imagined that the stool was talking back. "Stool, I've made a decision to change my life!, he said to the stool. I have heard of a man who is unlike other men living in a village many moons from here. I believe this man will hear me, I also believe that he will teach me how to become a different man from the one I was born, with this Jawnu went to prepare herbs for his third bath of the day, afterwards he would set out on his journey to find the one they called Mbakara, The Light One!.